Explanation

So I can't just leave and not explain...
On Friday the 13th, my friend Em had a bridal shower, that her sister threw. Well, think about an X-rated, uh, Tupperware party. Or Pampered Chef. Yes, boys and girls. You get the idea...
Well, her sister happens to work for a company that sends out the boys with the lights on top of their cars, and they're usually blue.
One of their fine (and I do mean fine) employees showed up to "crash" the party....
Whom I happen to have done some training with and I see time to time at work.
Em had a piece of, uh, vibrating "merchandise" which she promptly tossed into my lap.
So I'm stuck holding "the bag" as it were...
And my face turned about as red as a freshly washed fire engine.
I wanted to crawl under the couch, but well, it would have been a bit obvious. So my face just stayed a brilliant shade of crimson that would have made a cooked lobster envious.
Then we went out "bar hopping".
I don't drink unless I have a designated driver, and seeing as that wasn't really an option (I had cleverly volunteered as a DD), we went to a couple of "Popular" places.
I have some observations to make...
1. If you have anything more than fried eggs, REIGN those puppies in...Black eyes on you or your date just aren't cool.
2. If you have anything more than fried eggs, Tube Tops with no support should not find their way to your wardrobe
3. If you're so drunk you can't walk a straight line, there are chairs on the sidelines, have a seat already!
4. Men, once you cross the 50 and older range, please don't go to "dance" spots and try to pick up young girls. Boners on the floor are just not cool. Instead, go out on the golf course.
5. Girls, if you wear short skirts with nothing underneath, to the point that you can see the cheeks of your hiney, don't be surprised when a guy stands behind you in an attempt to "dance" It's called the horizontal Mambo, and usually results in regret.
6. To the over 40 crowd- Goth is out. It's for punks who are trying to rebel and be "independent" and "different" just like everyone else. Primarily, they are rebelling against your generation. It doesn't make you cool to dress like them.
7. Girls, I understand the buddy system, but going into a bathroom stall together? Come on...please don't tell me you someone to pass you the toilet paper
8. Kids, don't try to get in if you're under 21. You will be had, and we can spot you a mile away.
9. Musicians- please find more than two notes. Really. After the first 10 measures of 2 notes, it gets old. Very quickly.
10. Bars- When someone LOOKS drunk, please, stop serving them

ok, I think i've gone gone sufficiently on yet another rant.